Bottom 5 Show Themes

From its introduction in the 1950s with Gorgeous George to its rise in prominence in the 1980s with the Freebirds and the America the rock band song for Hulk Hogan, music is an integral part of professional wrestling.

But music isn’t just for wrestlers, it’s also for shows about wrestling. Wrestling show themes used to be available in many different styles…as long as that style was “Channel 6 News Now”. Seriously, every show from the 1980s, from the WWF to whatever show the NWA was promoting, had the same kind of theme that reminded you of a news program or a sporting event special presentation. And that’s not to say this was bad, it did what it was designed to do. The songs were either produced in house or licensed from a non-descript company who made themes like this.

This sound of wrestling show music would change over the years, but the methods wouldn’t. They may have went from 80s News Desk to Mediocre Rock Instrumental, but the production methods, especially in the WWF, didn’t change one bit. One could look at the theme for WWF Mania, Superstars, or even Monday Night Raw to see what I’m talking about.

Then around the mid 90s, something started to change. Instead of relying solely on non-descript instrumental rock, wrestling shows started sounding different. RAW had a theme that was actually performed by a band. A band we could see. And it had lyrics. No one could quite understand what they were saying, but they were definitely saying something. Now WCW shows kept their usual themes and, even though it was produced in house, Nitro’s theme was pretty awesome. Of course this was done by ECW years before as their syndicated Hardcore TV had been using songs from Nine Inch Nails, White Zombie, and others for the show’s theme.

But this was different when the “mainstream” promotions started doing this. And it started a pattern that continues to this very day. This would continue with WWE show themes, from RAW to SmackDown to “ECW” to NXT using real songs for their themes, with mixed results. Some songs lend themselves well to the show they’re introducing, others…not so much. So with that in mind, here’s the Bottom 5 Worst Show Themes as chosen by me.

5. “Slamhead” (Shotgun Saturday Night 1999)

Shotgun Saturday Night started out as a unique show for the WWF, a wrestling show held late on Saturday night in non-traditional venues around New York City. From train stations to night clubs, Shotgun promised to be a different style of wrestling show under the WWF umbrella. And for a while, it was just that. But then, the WWF did what they often do with a unique concepts: they ruined it. By 1999, Shotgun was just another C level syndicated show they taped before or after RAW. Same ring, same crowd, same everything. Perhaps to fit this underwhelming show, they gave it an equally underwhelming theme.

If you don’t see what I’m saying, listen to the song again. It’s just so….blah. Now this was during a transition time in the business as the mixture between actual songs and in studio music was still in tact, so I’m giving it a little bit of a break. While RAW had an actual band playing “Thorn In Your Eye”, Nitro had a very much in studio theme (which was still awesome…until they changed it), which is why this theme is so low on the list. It’s not a bad song, it’s just boring.

What is it really?

It’s a theme that works better for a WCW job guy. Here’s a clip of a WCW jobber (a pre-flock Billy Kidman) on Nitro where I used “Slamhead” instead of the original theme. You tell me I’m wrong.

 

 

4. “This Life”By CFO$/Dylan Owen (SmackDown 2014-2015) 

CFO$, who got their name when the lead singer slammed his head on a keyboard trying to make a online banking password, are the new in house theme music composers. Of course by “new”, I mean they’ve been around long enough to write at least a few stinkers. Which brings me to “This Life”, their theme for SmackDown which was used between 2014 and 2015. It’s more like a “real song”, something you could hear on the radio or in a club, that’s for sure. But it’s not a real wrestling theme.

Something about a good wrestling theme is that it gets you hyped for the show, it gets you excited for what you’re about to see. But it also has something related to the program you’re about to see. That’s where this theme fails. It sounds alright, and on it’s own, it might have gotten some radio play, but it has nothing to do with wrestling. The lyrics are generalized to the point of literally saying “this is the life I chose”. What life? The music life? Acting? Professional baseball? The song could literally be played on a promo for pretty much anything and be just as relevant. Is it a bad song? No. In a way, it’s kinda catchy. But it’s not a theme that reminds me wrestling is on. And that’s its biggest problem.

What is it really?

As I said, it could be used anywhere from a promotional video for NBA playoffs to an episode of  Empire. It’s just general enough to fit any genre. Good for CFO$, bad for wrestling.

3)”Adrenaline” (WCW Nitro 1999-2001)

Remember when I said Nitro had a great theme? Well they did…until April 1999. That’s when someone in the revolving door that was WCW management got the bright idea to replace the old Nitro theme (“Mean Streets”) with…this

Yeah…that’s a song, technically. This song is called “Adrenaline” and with a name that exciting, you know it’s gonna be an instant classic. Except that it wasn’t. It was just a generic song. I wish I could formulate some kind of cruel, bone-cutting insult for this song, but it doesn’t really warrant it. It’s just a generic song WCW put in place as part of their re-brand, along with the “bird $#%” logo and the Nitro stage people couldn’t stop slipping on. The worst part? This would be the theme from April 1999 until the very last episode in March of 2001. Yup, this theme, if you can call it that, was what you heard at the beginning of Nitro for almost 2 years. I mean, WCW was a sinking ship that was also on fire whose captain was punching “speed holes” into the hull during this time, but that doesn’t excuse this unimaginative theme more fitting for a Dennis Rodman direct to video action movie.

What is it really?

The theme for a Dennis Rodman action movie. Don’t you pay attention to what you read? That.

2)”Born 2 Run” By 7Lions (Smackdown 2012-2014)

 

Getting back on the “ragging on SmackDown” train, it’s another example from one of the 100 themes they’ve used over the years. This time it’s “Born to Run” by the band 7Lions, a band you may know from… the song “Born to Run”. Seriously, I had to look up who even performed this song and I still don’t know who they are. They’re a legitimate band, so they have that going for them, but their biggest “hit”, if you can even call it that, is a wrestling show theme that didn’t last long. And it’s not a good song. I didn’t watch  SmackDown much during this time, but when I would see previews or happen to catch match graphic hyping upcoming matches, this song would be playing in the background. And despite its relative longevity, like “This Life”, which it traded positions with one being the theme and the other being a secondary theme, this didn’t come off as a wrestling theme to me. It sounds like a generic 2010s pseudo-rock band getting their single in before breaking up and returning to their jobs bartending. I can’t even say it’s a good song as, on its own, it’s still kinda boring. I’m no musical aficionado, so I’m not going to expound paragraphs on its structure or beat or whatever, but just hearing it, it’s just so generic I don’t like it. And it certainly doesn’t get me pumped to see a wrestling show. To me, even as it played in the background while they were running down the card, the song just annoyed me.

What is it really?

A theme to be played in the background of a promo for The Voice.

 

Now this is just my opinion, but it’s probably the worst wrestling show theme I’ve ever heard. That is, except….

 

1) “Wild and Young” By American Bang (NXT Reality Seasons)

 

What can you say about this terrible, terrible song? It’s just awful. Like all the way to the core of it, it’s a terrible song made by terrible people for terrible people. I literally can’t find anything redeeming about it. At least with “This Life” it was a good song that just didn’t fit wrestling. Nothing wrong with that, it was just used to represent the wrong genre. But “Wild and Young” isn’t even a good song. It’s not done by a good band. Worst of all, it’s not even too generic to be interesting, it’s offensively anti-music.

 

It’s like a board room full of white haired executives got together and workshopped a bland, uncontroversial pop rock song and then handed it to the biggest group of sellouts since Adam Levine put on eyeliner and said “make us some money”. And they did with this saccharine piece of auditory garbage. If it had just played on the radio, it might have gotten a low spot on the Billboard 100 for a week before being replaced by some avant-garde string quartet alternative group whose band name is an entire sentence. But no, that wasn’t good enough, they had to plaster this sonic sewage on NXT back before it was the go-to place for young superstars having great matches and was more about Low Ki being told what to do by Lay Cool.

 

This “song” was the theme for NXT during its time on SyFy. And I still haven’t forgiven WWE for it. Remember how I said a wrestling theme should a) fit a wrestling show and b) actually get you excited to see some wrestling? “Wild and Young” doesn’t fit either criteria. It’s literally the worst song I could imagine to be the theme for a wrestling show if your intention is to get your audience hyped up for the action they’re about to see. The first season was the absolute worst because they played this song in the background and seemingly dared you to get excited about seeing Daniel Bryan in a WWE ring. Kind of a disconnect, don’t you think?

 

What was it really?

Considering it’s bland to the point of almost not existing, only works in small doses, and is by a band you’ll never hear from again, it’s the perfect theme song for a teenage drama on the CW. Don’t believe me? Here’s a little clip I put together.

 

 

Ya see?

 

Anyway, that’s all the ranting I can do for now. Did I miss any songs that were especially terrible? Did you like one of these songs? Can you even muster the gall to try and justify “Wild and Young”? Leave a comment below and let me know what you think.